The Golf Umbrella Edition

Mark Slavonia (MJS) is an investor, a pilot, and an avid cyclist. He’s written plenty of WITIs, including appreciations of rowing machines and dangerous toys. He posts other things that are interesting on his website.

Mark here. I am a lapsed golfer. Like many apostates, I retain residual knowledge of the rituals of my former faith, etched in my soul through weekly service on the golf course with my father and brother. I know where to stand, when to be quiet, when to tend the pin and when to pull it out of the cup, and how to play in the rain.

My family considered playing in the rain to be the highest form of devotion to the religion of golf. Unless and until the lightning alarm sounded, we played on, squishing through “casual water” beneath the shelter of our commodious golf umbrellas.

It is these very golf umbrellas that I recommend to you.

Why is this interesting?

The golf umbrella is the king of umbrellas. It is a portable Superdome, a mobile gazebo that you can hold in one hand. It arches overhead in a graceful geometric dome like an alien butterfly, and the sound (heavens, the sound!) of fat raindrops bouncing off impermeable tensioned nylon is a summer hymn.

If you’ve never used a golf umbrella, it might be hard to imagine how much better the experience is than being under a normal umbrella. Let me put it this way:

A golf umbrella is to an umbrella as an umbrella is to a hat.

Quantity has a quality all of its own. The vast area covered by a golf umbrella transforms the umbrella experience. A golf umbrella is designed to cover two people (the golfer and the caddy) and a set of golf clubs extending off the back of either one of them. Gone is the problem that the shaft of a normal umbrella stands directly in the middle where protection is the greatest, because the golf umbrella is large enough that it covers you completely, even if you stand to one side. Gone is the problem that your lower body gets soaked, because the golf umbrella’s coverage thwarts the wind’s angled assault on your trousers. Gone is the problem of sharing a tiny canopy with your companion—all are welcome under the big tent of a golf umbrella.

The golf umbrella is one of those products that has been honed to such excellence by professionals that its appeal extends beyond the narrow confines of its design, like diving watches, EMT shears, and jeweler’s loupes. You may never play golf, but my friend, you need a golf umbrella. Sure, there might be some special cases for which a different sort of umbrella is more appropriate, like walking down a particularly crowded city sidewalk or packing an umbrella into a handbag, but for the vast majority of umbrella days the golf umbrella is the umbrella you want to have.

And oh, the rainbow of colors! The classic golf umbrella has alternating panels of white and a single solid color, choose your favorite. (For a classy look, choose an all-black golf umbrella and you’ll be ready for the next mafia funeral.) A logo is often silk-screened on one of the panels, promoting a golf ball company or a country club or a consulting firm that wisely chose the coveted golf umbrella as the attendance gift at a corporate retreat. Arnold Palmer, native son of my hometown, used a multicolored golf umbrella that was so distinctive it became his personal logo.

How much would you pay for raingear of this quality? You might be forgiven for assuming that luxury and excellence comes at a premium price. But rest easy; the golf umbrella is surprisingly affordable. I will not be providing links to specific purveyors of golf umbrellas below, lest you suspect that my enthusiasm for golf umbrellas is tainted by a craven lust for affiliate revenue. I will merely say that your favorite big-box membership store sells a two-pack of quality golf umbrellas for $40, emblazoned with the logo of some golf equipment brand in whose factories these umbrellas were certainly not made.

Alternatively, you can breeze into the pro shop of Pebble Beach Golf Links, one of the most spectacular and most famous golf courses in the world, plunk down $60 U.S. dollars, and emerge under the shade of a classic fiberglass-handled golf umbrella, proudly boasting of your visit and still with a pocketful of change! This would make a great gift. They’re available online.

There are some premium models from specialist umbrella makers that cost $80 - $120. They might be good, but I can’t vouch personally for their design. The classic, ubiquitous, fiberglass-shafted golf umbrella found in every pro shop in the country is probably all you need.

My father would like to leave you with one important umbrella-maintenance tip. Never stow a wet umbrella. After use, leave it to dry completely open before folding it up, and you’ll get decades of use from your wonderful golf umbrella. (MJS)